This is a story about two blog posts, two people wanting to make a contribution, and the price that comes with doing that.
In my last post I promised to write something about the difference between ACT as therapy and ACT as coaching. Before I did, I checked with Rachel that she was happy for me to do so, as we’d presented together on a similar subject before. This was her (edited) reply:
|On 24 Apr 2015 22:27, “Rachel Collis” <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
Go for it!
Also, if you think it is helpful, I would love you to link to the ACT Coaching e-book that goes with my ACT coaching training.
I have decided to just give it out free to folks.
No pressure, if you don’t think it is appropriate in the context of the post.
I then read the e-book. Reader, it is AMAZING.
It is the most valuable contribution to this developing field I’ve read and beautiful too (very Rachel). Needless to say it is far more useful, well written and valuable than my blog was going to be. I will be devoting the whole of the next post to it (no way am I shoehorning it into this).
But the question is, how does this happen? Here’s the next exchange:
|On 25 Apr 2015, at 7:53 am, Rob Archer <email@example.com> wrote:
Err. …Rachel this is amazing. Why didn’t I know about this??
From: Rachel Collis [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Cos I am an idiot!
It needs more work but I am quite pleased with it!
I then asked Rachel about the functions of ‘cos I am an idiot’ and she hinted at some aspect of her learning history that made praise both craved for and difficult to receive:
|From: Rachel Collis [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: 25 April 2015 23:42
To: Rob Archer
Subject: Re: ACT and coachingThe function of ‘cos I am idiot’ is that I do something- like spend hours writing an ebook – and then don’t tell people. I think it is EA around embarrassment and shame.
And there we have it.
Meaningful work, ‘towards moves’, contribution: all come with a price. And the more we value the contribution, the higher the price.
So I wonder what the next ‘towards moves’ are for me and Rachel?
I asked her if I could post the link for her, because I didn’t want her to undersell it. But then I felt caught between two options. I could:
- Post it myself, to reinforce her value to the community by praising her work. This sounds good, but am I really trying to rescue Rachel from her discomfort, and thereby reinforcing her avoidance?
- Let Rachel post it. But is that just testing Rachel’s willingness? And why wouldn’t I actively support a colleague who I believe, has done such important and valuable work?
And what should I now do with my post?
I am left with something I have worked on, not as important as Rachel’s, but a contribution nevertheless. I could:
- Not post, and perhaps work on it some more, trying to offer something different to Rachel.
- Post anyway, in the service of making my own contribution to something that matters to me.
Both of these feel like ‘towards’ moves to me….and both will probably come with a price.
If I don’t post, I will need to make way for feelings of jealousy that Rachel has written something far better than me, without even mentioning it.
If I do post, will I secretly hope that somehow my post will be seen as just as valuable (oh Rob, this is really good too!) – and move straight to feelings of rejection if that doesn’t happen?
So there we are again. Two humans, on different sides of the world, both wanting to make a contribution to something that matters.
Both hesitating over the price.